I DON'T CARE!!!
So, with that out of the way, let's dive into this.
Rules:
-No more than one boss per game.
-SPOILERS POUGBAIDVFIOVAPIVIV
-That's it!
#10 - Brownie (Super Meat Boy)
Super Meat Boy is an incredibly hard game, but it's equally as fair. Every single Meat Boy that died perished because you, the player, mistimed a jump, overshot a platform, or didn't dodge the missile. Nothing is really cheap in Super Meat Boy (with one notable exception, but I'll get to that another time).
That's why it's so great to face off against someone who's completely and entirely your equal.
This isn't like Dark Link, where it's just your shadow. No, it's a race to the finish against a creatively designed character that happens to be just as good as you are at platforming. Don't take this for a grain of salt (get it?), as Brownie will kick your ass if you aren't careful. Always be sure to watch what he is doing so that you can always be one step ahead of him. That's the only way you'll ever get past him.
#9 - Organic Final Boss (Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet)
Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet has one of the most interesting stories of any game. and yet it doesn't even have names for its bosses.
Well, it doesn't need to.
This boss (whatever it is) is my favorite in the game because it really tests your puzzle-solving skills moreso than some of the more gimmicky bosses in the game. In order to make any progress in this game you have to really think about what to do and figure things out, and this guy makes sure that you understand that before progressing to the Ocean area. I won't spoil how to beat this guy, but instead I'll show you a screenshot and when you all play the game, you'll have to figure it out. Then you'll see how cool this guy is.
#8 - King K. Rool (Donkey Kong Country)
To put it in the simplest of terms, King K. Rool really is just about memorization. Crown toss. Dash left, crown toss. Dash right, dash left, crown toss. Dash right, dash left, dash right, crown toss. Cannonballs, crown toss. Cannonballs, cannonballs, crown toss. Cannonballs, cannonballs, cannonballs, crown toss. And you get the point.
What really makes K. Rool so great is the tone it sets. The music starts incredibly cheerful but then quickly changes to a more intense battle theme that is incredibly iconic. K. Rool starts with a relatively simple crown toss but slowly puts more and more effort into trying to beat you, showing the fact that he really is trying his hardest here and isn't one of those stupid bosses who hands you the means of defeating them. He even tries faking his death with the first in many fake Rare credit rolls to come in later games, only to rise up again and try to stomp you to death.
Unlike other bosses that people love, K. Rool really tried to win and wasn't just an idiot. His passionate attempt was accompanied by an incredible music track and stunning visuals. It's a great battle. I love it.
#7 - Mother Brain (Super Metroid)
Well, now it's time to reveal one of my biggest secrets: I've never beaten Super Metroid. In fact, I've never even played Super Metroid. But I cannot deny how brilliantly this final battle was set up. In fact, I could say that this might be the greatest story-driven boss battle of all time, but I might have to think about that a bit more.
Mother Brain is known for being a coward, sitting in her stupid glass jar and hoping her minions (onion rings?) kill you before you kill her. In the original Metroid, that was all there was to it, but in this game there's a hell of a lot more.
I'm posting a YouTube video of this battle here instead of a screenshot because everything that happens here simply cannot be expressed through words. Watch the entire video. Just watch.
#6 - Masked Dedede (Kirby Super Star Ultra)
King Dedede is just that villain that just doesn't know what he's doing. He and Kirby have always had a friendly rivalry of sorts, but there really hasn't been anything major between the two.
UNTIL NOW.
In Return of the King, a new subgame in Kirby Super Star's DS remake, King Dedede is the final battle, but instead of you standard Dedede fight, things are a whole lot more intense. Dedede's got a mask, a mechanized hammer that can really hurt, and an electrical cage surrounding the whole arena.
Dedede has been beaten by Kirby for far too long, and now he has pulled out all the stops and is trying everything he can to defeat Kirby. Luckily, with enough skill, Kirby still can defeat the king, but nowhere near as easily as before.
#5 - Bowser (Super Mario Bros. 3)
Why does EVERYONE think that the Super Mario World final boss is great?
Seriously, it isn't! I don't get it! It isn't even atmospheric and the method of defeating Bowser is just stupid.
Luckily, there's this. And this, friends, is pure gold.
Unlike Super Mario World, Bowser doesn't hand you the means of defeating him in Super Mario Bros. 3. He just happens to underestimate his own strength. Bowser could have easily kicked Mario's butt had he realized that his floor could not support his jumping around. But he didn't, because he had too much confidence in his castle's architecture.
You, the player, beat Bowser not by strength, but by intelligence. You managed to beat one of the strongest beings in the Mushroom Kingdom by letting him defeat himself. That's just incredible.
#4 - The Bird Door (Super Mario Bros 2. (USA))
Wart really isn't a good boss. But the boss before Wart is simply genius.
See, at the end of every level in Super Mario Bros. 2, you had to pick up this crystal ball thing and then walk into the mouth of this bird head thing that's implanted into a nearby wall. It was really bizzare, but eventually you get used to it.
That's why it's so genius for the Bird Door to start flying around and attacking you when you pick up the crystal ball in Wart's Castle. It's an easy boss, but no one would see something like that coming. It's really creative and I wish developers would trick players more like this.
#3 - Magaloor (Kirby's Return to Dreamland)
Okay, I've changed my mind. Magaloor is the best story-driven boss of all time, and it even beats Super Mario Bros. 2's Bird Door with regard to tricking the player.
The entirety of Kirby's Return to Dreamland was about helping this little innocent alien by the name of Magaloor. His ship crashed and you helped put it back together. He kindly offered to take you to his home planet only to find a dragon named Landia having taken it over. But it was all a trap.
Landia was the good guy, but you were helping the villain. Landia tried to stop you by sending all sorts of Sphere Doomers your way, but you were such a stubborn player and refused to listen. Now Magaloor threatens to take over Dreamland and the entire universe unless you stop him.
First off, you start Level 8, Another Dimension, with a side-scrolling shooter battle with the ship that you spent the entire game rebuilding. After that is a two-phase battle with Magaloor that could not have been designed any better. Not only do you get to finish off his first phase with superabilities, but then in his second phase he manages to take your superabilities and use them against you.
The music in the second phase sets the tone perfectly. It integrates themes from the entire soundtrack to show you that this is what your entire quest has led to. The journey was utterly pointless and now you're paying the price for it. There is still hope, however, and as the trumpet fanfare culminates, you can land your final hit on Magaloor.
If you want the true satisfaction that this battle can provide, by the way, don't use Spark. It breaks the game.
Overall, this battle is amazing and Kirby's Return to Dreamland is my favorite Kirby game because of it.
Also, this DeviantART drawing is absolutely amazing.
#2 - Baby Bowser (Yoshi's Island)
I'm pretty sure most of you expected this battle to be number 1, but there's a boss that deserves more credit than Baby Bowser.
That doesn't mean that this boss isn't amazing because it is.
The battle starts in Bowser's playroom, where he asks "what kind of a green downkey is dat? ME WANNA WIDE! MINE! MINE!" He then triggers a shockwave battle that requires you to ground-pound the floor to create shockwaves that hurt him.
But that's only the beginning of it, for when you hit him three times, Kamek uses his magic, and then the game turns sinister.
CUE BADASS MUSIC.
Baby Bowser is nowhere to be seen until Yoshi turns and you look into the background, where you see Bowser raise his arms as he yells, cuing boulders to fall from the sky and attempt to crush you and knock away some of the platform you are standing on. He slowly starts to make his way closer and closer towards you, where you will inevitably perish.
But there is still hope. A balloon floats in, carrying a giant egg. If you could throw that egg straight into Bowser's face, your doom might be delayed or even stopped. After seven hits, the giant beast falls and you are able to rescue Baby Luigi and the stork. Congratulations on a fantastic babysitting job and a phenomenal boss battle.
But there's still one that's greater...
#1 - Spongebot Steelpants (Spongebob: Battle for Bikini Bottom)
I am absolutely certain that no one saw this coming.
I mean, seriously. How could a boss from a Spongebob game be good enough to be on this list, let alone be number 1?
Well, that's simple, actually.
This boss battle is the culmination of everything you have done throughout your quest in Bikini Bottom. You journeyed into the Mermalair, slid down some slopes at Sand Mountain, and even journeyed into your friends' dreams in order to gather enough Golden Spatulas to stop the robot crisis at its source in the Chum Bucket. It is revealed that a robot equivalent of Plankton is the leader of these rogue robots, and the greatest robot of them all stands in between you and the switch to turn of the robot-making machine: a robot version of you, Spongebob.
The boss tests everything you have learned throughout the game, from careful platforming to precision with the Cruise Bubble. When you take out all of the weak spots on the robot, you journey into the robot to defeat it at its core, where you encounter hoards of enemies and face off with Robot Plankton, with the goal of taking out all of the fuses with all of the moves you have mastered throughout your quest.
No boss has truly tested my mastery of the game like this one has. Giant Baby Bowser may be in the perfect game and I would do absolutely nothing to change that boss battle, but this boss gets bonus points for doing something that no other game could.
Thanks for reading this list, and if I don't get videos out on time next week, you can blame me taking the time to write this list.
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